


I Am My Own Gem

by SilverScribe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Assault, Crystal Gems, Dark, Death, F/F, Feels, Gem Fusion, Gen, Homeworld is Horrible, Hope, I need to write some fluff after this, Interrogation, Love, Rebellion, Renegade Pearl, Terrifying Renegade, Torture, Violence, War, Yes surprisingly there is some love and happiness here, not much though, prisoner, rebellion era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-09-07 02:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8779804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverScribe/pseuds/SilverScribe
Summary: Sometimes you suffer for what you believe in.

Or a snapshot of the Rebellion Era and an untold story of some of the Crystal Gems we never had a chance to meet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for violence and torture. I wouldn't call it graphic, but it's still pretty dark. For me anyway. Certainly a departure from my last fic.
> 
> This should have been up a couple weeks ago but the holiday season has not been kind. I also had to really fight this chapter onto the paper, it's my first time writing something this dark. Well, what I would consider dark at least. I imagine some pretty horrid things happened during the Rebellion.
> 
> The next chapter of this fic is in the works, as well as some more lighthearted fluff that I hope to have up in time for the holidays. Hope you enjoy, as always feedback is very much appreciated.

Pain. Pain was her only constant. Pain was her entire world. It was fascinating, the varying types and degrees of pain one could experience. She felt by now that she must be intimately familiar with them all. She'd lost count of how many times she'd regenerated, at least half a dozen, and her jailer was always there. Waiting. Waiting to slam her back into the restraining chair. Waiting to inflict more pain upon her body until she lost her physical form once more. Not that it ever came quickly. Her tormentor was quite adept at causing just enough damage to be excruciating but not quite enough to push her body past the limits. But she would bear it, nothing they could do would break her. Nothing would overwhelm the sheer fury pulsing through her core that sustained her. If only her jailer would leave her alone for just a little while...

The pain had subsided for a few moments and her physical form was still intact, that must mean questions were coming again. Slowly she looked up through her messy, disheveled silver hair. Normally she kept it back in a tight ponytail but the ministrations she had endured this session had ruined that. Honestly she'd prefer it shorter but Sky liked it—

Her entire body tensed with a differnet type of pain as the barest whisper of that name left her cracked and split lips. Muscles strained and flexed under her silver marbled ivory skin as she pulled futilely against her bonds for the thousandth time. The restraints could likely hold a Quartz so they'd certainly hold her. Slowly, with a ragged breath that shook the tatters of her plain gray star emblazoned jumpsuit, she relaxed. A small smile broke across her haggard face.

Sky liked it long.

Her jailer noticed the smile and snorted. “Smiling? Have you finally cracked my stubborn, foolish Pearl?” the Jasper grated harshly. The dim light of the sparse cell glinting off the orange gemstone set in her right shoulder.

Pearl. The Jasper used it like it was her name, and with such disdain at that, but it wasn't. To any Crystal Gem, especially a pearl, it was a name uttered with respect and admiration. There was only one _Pearl_ and it certainly wasn't her. But the thought of Pearl filled her with a rebellions determination.

“My name is Dove, not Pearl,” she said in a high, clear voice. She raised her head and stared defiantly at the Jasper, her deep navy blue eyes smoldering above her elegant nose.

A gigantic fist slammed into her midsection moments later. She felt several ribs shatter at the impact, the sickening crunch clearly audible. She doubled up as much as her bonds would allow, all the air leaving her lithe body in one great strangled yell. The Jasper twisted her rough knuckles into her skin, tearing it open in several places as she slowly withdrew her arm. Dove consciously forced herself to stop breathing, a hard habit to break after all these years.

The pain in her chest was excruciating beyond belief, but it wasn't enough to force her back into her gem. Stars, sometimes she wished she were more fragile! The Jasper was barking demands at her again, a fresh wave of questions, but she barely heard any of them. Already she was focusing her mind, trying to remove herself from this place, searching for a memory to dive into. It was a trick she had developed for dealing with the torture. A way of distancing her mind from the anguished construct that was her body.

“You act like you're an actual Gem. It's pathetic. You're property. A pretty trinket, nothing more,” the Jasper scoffed as she slapped her casually across the face with enough force to make her vision go black. But she hardly registered it, her jailer's words were actually helping her slip away. Her mind insulating her in a memory three hundred years gone.

 

_“You don't have to be someone's property or pretty decoration. Not anymore. You can be your own Gem. You **are** your own Gem.” _

 

She'd been a shaking terrified mess the first time she met Pearl. She'd expected nothing more than to be shattered as she sat there on the ground, the gemstone of her Beryl master cradled in her shaking palms. She certainly hadn't thought to instead see the Terrifying Renegade stab her blades into the earth. Or extend a welcoming hand along with those inspiring words after she'd so easily dispatched Dove's owner. But Dove, or rather that frightened pearl that would become Dove, had made the first real choice of her existence that day.

She'd reached out and taken Pearl's hand.

It was a choice she'd never regretted, even now.

Her first time seeing the “Rebellion Headquarters” had been so jarring. She'd expected something cold, organized. Gems rigidly in their place carrying out their assigned purpose. Something akin to the Homeworld way of things, it was all she had ever known. It was all she could imagine.

She couldn't have been more wrong, or more delighted in being so.

In place of that she'd found a massive garden filled with so many colors and smells that she could barely process it. Gems from all ranks and castes were mingling together, working together, _laughing_ together. Rubies bent over battle plans alongside Spinels, Quartzes strolled arm in arm with Ambers and Pearls. And fusions... fusions were _everywhere._ They seemed to come and go casually. Gems forming and separating all around like it was the most normal, natural everyday thing.

But the most spectacular thing to Dove was how everyone they passed stopped for a moment to nod at or salute Pearl. Whispered greetings of “General” or “Commander Pearl” met them every few steps. A few playful “Terrifying Renegade” remarks from certain gems even made their way to Dove's amazed ears. That last moniker usually earned a soft laugh and a light slap on the shoulder for the gem who spoke it. She couldn't believe that a pearl was afforded such respect, held a position of such power. From what she could gather Pearl was second in rank only to Rose Quartz herself.

The last gem to address Pearl by the “Terrifying Renegade” title dashed any remaining composure Dove had been holding onto.

She was a Quartz, and a large one at that. A towering Agate, Dove's head barely came up to her shoulder. Her coloring was what really made her stand out though. Pale, soft blue with bands of gentle white crossing her sturdy form. It was like the Earth's sky made manifest in the shape of a gem. It was only after Pearl gently nudged her in the side that she realized she'd missed something, that she realized she'd been staring.

“This my new trainee?” the Agate said with a lopsided grin directed down at her.

“Yes, she'll be joining you starting today,” Pearl had replied and then turned back to her. “This is Sky, she'll be in charge of your basic combat and shape-shifting training.”

Dove stood dumbfounded for a few more moments. Then she realized what she must look like and extended a hesitant hand in greeting, her cheeks blushing a deep gray in embarrassment. “Hello. I'm the Pearl belonging to Beryl, Facet-1C3M Cut-9XE...” She trailed off in her introduction as she noticed the frown on Sky's face.

“No nickname yet eh? We'll have to work on that. And you don't belong to anyone hun, not anymore.”

Dove turned to thank Pearl one last time before setting out with her new instructor but found that her savior was having a whispered conversation, punctuated by the occasional giggle, with a rather imposing long haired Kunzite. After a few moments she caught Dove staring and turned back to her, placing a hand on either of her shoulders.

“Good luck, show Sky here what we pearls are capable of.”

“As if you haven't done that a million times over already Renegade,” the Kunzite said with a rough chuckle.

Then with a reassuring squeeze to her shoulders Pearl and the Kunzite headed towards the center of the garden and Dove started forward towards her new life.

The next weeks of her life were the happiest she had ever experienced. Everyday was spent training, sparring and learning. She drank in all the knowledge given to her, almost faster than her teachers could give it. She was so eager to get stronger, to learn more, to be able to help...

Sky was there with her the entire time, she'd taken Dove on as a sort of apprentice because Dove had discovered she had a certain talent.

She could shape-shift like no other. It came to her so easily and Sky quickly took an interest in the level of her ability. Hinted that the Rebellion could use someone who could change their form so completely and so casually. And so they spent entire days out on shape-shifting tours. Sky drilling her on more and more complex creatures. After a week Dove felt like she must certainly be able to mimic the entire spectrum of fauna on Earth.

Then one day...one day she found a special form.

She had been walking through a field with Sky on the northern outskirts of the Garden when it'd happened. They'd startled a flock of avian creatures into the air. Dove stared on in awe as a wave of white winged its way into the sky.

“Alright hun, this will be your first time trying a form that can fly, watch me,” Sky said. The gem over her right breast glowed a soft blue-white and after a few moments Sky's large frame shrank down into the tiny, winged form. Her body covered with a shifting array of blue and white feathers. “Flight can be a very useful ability, but it's tricky, go ahead and shift but take it slow. Just some practice hops today.” Dove stared as Sky flew a loose circle around her head, then she turned her eyes back to the flock of white swirling above them.

She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. An unnecessary habit she had quickly picked up from the other Crystal Gems, but it helped her focus. The gem on the back of her left wrist flared with silver flecked white light. Her body quickly fluoresced to match and then her form melted down to match Sky's. Her feathers were a stark white with glimmering flecks of silver at their tips, they shimmered beautifully as she flexed her new wings.

“First try and the form is spot on, well no surprise there. Okay, let's try a short flight across the meadow to start with, then—“

Sky's words were cut off as Dove leapt into the air and zoomed upwards as fast as her wings would carry her. This feeling...it was exhilarating. And...and it felt so _right_. She quickly found herself among the snowy white avian creatures from whom she had borrowed her form. They cooed in surprise at the new arrival and broke ranks around her. She let out a laugh of pure elation which seemed to startle them even more. She spent her next moments gracefully dipping and swaying with the flock, learning and perfectly imitating their movements with just the most casual observation. She could have done this all day, but finally she noticed Sky waving and calling to her down below, back in her original form.

With some regret Dove left her new found friends and dove down towards her teacher. Moments before she met the ground she shifted, body flashing, and came to rest with a graceful front flip in front of Sky.

“That was wonderful!” she cried as soon as her heels touched the earth. “I've never felt so...so free before. Those creatures are so graceful and elegant. So untethered...” Sky was laughing at her enthusiasm and she threw an arm around her shoulders which tinged her cheeks with gray.

“Hun, I think we've finally found a name for you. We'll call you Dove, that's what the humans call the form we borrowed today.”

“Dove...”

She loved it. The name felt right as it passed through her lips. As it settled around her shoulders it felt like the last bonds of Homeworld were being cut free. She smiled softly and then wrapped her own arm around Sky, giving her massive shoulders a gentle squeeze. Then to her surprise she was swept up off her feet and into Sky's sturdy arms. She quickly wrapped an arm around her neck to steady herself and let out a small yelp.

“Come on Dove, we're gonna celebrate! It's not everyday someone gets their name.” Sky boomed as she began carrying Dove back towards the heart of the base. Her arms would squeeze Dove a little closer to her chest every so often as they went along and after awhile Dove plucked up the courage to gently rest her head against Sky's warm gem. And for once she wasn't the only one blushing.

She felt a happy, bubbly feeling in her chest. Everything was so wonderful, so different from just a few weeks ago. Who knew life could be like this? This...this is what the Crystal Gems fought for.

The warmth in her chest vanished. Destroyed by a horrible piercing sensation and the entire world around her shattered in a scream ripped from her core. Sky's arms were replaced with the chair, her flustered features with the contorted face of the Jasper.

“Welcome back, I thought that might snap you out of it,” she grated.

Pain flooded back into her consciousness. Dull and throbbing from her crushed abdomen and a new lancing fire in her upper chest. She looked down.

A small blade was buried half its length right in the center of her collar bone.

“Now...tell me...who...your contacts...are,” the Jasper grunted. Punctuating her demand with grunts of effort as she slowly pulled the blade downward through Dove's chest. It was in the center of what was left of the ragged star on her tunic now. Dove squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaking down her face, and doggedly clamped down on her jaw.

She wouldn't give the Jasper the satisfaction of hearing her scream again. This finally exhausted her captor's patience.

“Fine! Maybe another regeneration will change your mind!” she roared right into Dove's face.

The blade in her chest wrenched downward and she gripped the arms of her chair so hard as she arched her back that it was a wonder they didn't shatter. When the blade reached midway through her abdomen her tormentor gave a viscous jerk and twisted it a full 360 degrees before grunting and shoving the blade all the way in and out through her back.

This time she screamed.

The Jasper yanked the blade out with a self satisfied grin, she knew Dove's physical form was about to dissipate from the punishment. But Dove wasn't finished yet.

Her gem flared brilliantly with light as she leaned forward and shoved her face right into her tormentor's.

“You can put me through this cycle of torture and regeneration for all eternity and I'll never tell you a thing,” she spat. “Because I am a _Crystal Gem_.”

And then the light from her gem faded and sputtered, the strain from maintaining her ruined form finally proving too much. She vanished in a cloud of smoke. To a sweet, if temporary release.

The Jasper stood there, staring at Dove's gem.

For the first time since this interrogation started she began to doubt her ability to accomplish her goal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have read my past works, yes that is the same Kunzite from [You do it for Them](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7455172/chapters/16941103). I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a small cameo. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back. Sorry for the delay, I took a little break from this to write some [seasonally appropriate fluff](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8957008). For the sake of my soul. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter!

“Is that really necessary?” Jasper dared to ask.

“Are you questioning me?” the voice growled with contempt and hints of barely controlled anger.

“N-No my Diamond! It's just...just the damage that will cause may destroy the information we're after. If I could just be allowed more time, I'm sure my more traditional methods will succ—”

“You've had more than enough time and you've failed!” the voice thundered over the com. “This is just a pearl. A simple _pearl_. Yet for months now you've been incapable of extracting little more than that ridiculous name it's made up for itself. It is disgraceful. I should have you shattered for the mockery you've allowed that pearl to make of the Authority. Carry out my orders or I _will_ have you shattered. Am I clear?”

“Yes my Diamond,” Jasper replied, snapping to attention and crossing her arms in front of her chest in the diamond salute. Even though the voice had no visual on her.

“I expect you to commence as soon as the pearl has completed its latest regeneration. I'll want your report soon after. Very soon. That is all.”

The line filled with static as the communication ended and Jasper was left trembling where she stood, still holding the salute. What was she thinking even giving the _appearance_ of questioning a Diamond? She must be cracked! But she couldn't stop herself in her shock, what her Diamond had ordered her to do...

It was going too far.

But now she had no other choice.

Her hand absently moved to the gem on her right shoulder as she made her way back down the corridor towards her prisoner's cell. It was an old habit, she often found herself rubbing her gem during times of great strain. And this pearl... She had certainly caused Jasper great strain. She just didn't understand. The things she had done to the pearl would leave the mightiest Quartz soldier begging to be shattered. Yet somehow, it continued to resist.

Pearls were just toys, pretty decorations with enough intelligence to follow basic instructions. Nothing more. That was what she'd always been told, what she had always believed. Of course there were the wild rumors of the Terrifying Renegade, but anyone with any sense knew that the renegade was simply following the orders of Rose Quartz. Because that's what pearls did, they followed orders. The Rebellion leader was simply using the “Renegade” to instill fear in Homeworld. It was clever in a way, even if any gem who took the time to think could work out how ridiculous it was. That was what she'd always thought...

She hadn't believed the reports when this pearl had passed into her custody. One Carnelian shattered and two more dissipated out of a squad of six. All by this pearl. Preposterous. They'd been making up stories to save face. Reaching for any excuse to mitigate their blunder in allowing one of the rebels to escape. That was what she'd believed.

But now...

Now, after all this time with the pearl she didn't know what to believe. But she did know one thing, this would be the end of the pearl's resistance. Her shoulders were heavy and her mind a jumble of conflicting thoughts as she strode into the holding cell.

Her prisoner would be regenerating soon.

* * *

 There was a gentle pulsing. A rhythm that coursed through her entire body...no not body. That was gone for now. Through her entire consciousness. The rhythm, the steady ebb and flow of warmth and light that was somehow also a sort of music.

It was her.

This was her in her purest state. Floating without form within her gem. Free from pain, free from anguish, free from time. She had come to cherish these moments of regeneration since her capture, these hard won bits of peace in her seemingly endless torture. She used them to rebuild, not only her body, but also her convictions. She only wished she could simply stay here forever and never reform, but she knew that was impossible. Unless someone was around to bubble her, and that wasn't likely to happen, eventually her gem would be ready and she would reform. Regardless of her wishes.

So instead of lamenting the inevitable she turned inward to seek solace for her battered spirit. This last round of torture had been especially trying, she probably shouldn't have strained her gem like that. Holding a ruined form just so she could get in the last word, still she would take her small satisfactions where she could get them. But now she needed to recuperate. She began searching through the light and song that was her being for a special memory to help sooth her. After a few moments (Or perhaps hours? Time really had no meaning here.), she found it.

The first time she fused with Sky.

The light around her seemed to pulse with laughter and a tinkling melody as she fell into it.

 

“You're trying too hard Dove,” Garnet had said. She stood leaning against a tree in the small clearing they'd chosen for their attempts. Lips subtly curved into a slight grin under her three, multicolored eyes.

Dove huffed and pulled up fistfuls of grass from the spot on the ground where she had stumbled and fallen mid-dance. “The ruby squads I've seen fuse made it look so effortless. No fancy dancing. I thought I was done with fancy dancing.”

“But I like watching your fancy dancing,” Sky interjected with a grin from her own spot in the grass. Dove just huffed again and rolled her eyes as she sat up.

“It's easier for gems of the same type to fuse. They're already so similar at the basic level that their gems harmonize easily. One day you two will make it to that point as well, but you'll have to work at it. So no, you're not done with fancy dancing just yet,” Garnet said as she offered both gems a hand to their feet.

“I don't understand how to harmonize and I don't understand how the dance helps. We've been at this for days!” Dove cried in frustration, tossing handfuls of grass into the air before seeming to deflate and sag in on herself. “Maybe...maybe I'm not capable of fusing. I'm...”

“You're just a pearl?” Garnet finished.

“Hey, none of that hun,” Sky said firmly, reaching out and grabbing Dove by the shoulders. “You know that Homeworld garbage isn't true, look at everything else you've accomplished. We'll get this, it's not all on you. This is my first time trying fusion too. Alright?”

“Besides, Pearl can fuse just fine. So you know it has nothing to do with what type of gem you are Dove,” Garnet added, coming forward and placing her own hand on top of Dove's silvery hair. “So no more of that talk, yeah?”

“You're both right. I'm being foolish,” Dove replied in a small voice, her cheeks tinged gray in embarrassment. “It's just so frustrating.”

“I know hun, it's hard for a lot of Crystal Gems at first, not just us. Here, take a seat and lets have Garnet go over the basics with us one more time alright?” Sky said as she tugged Dove into her lap and gave Garnet an imploring look.

Garnet sat in front of the pair and held both palms forward displaying her gems. “Every gem has a unique rhythm, it's own cadence of light,” she said, and the gemstones in her palms flickered to life. A bright, rapidly flashing red glow shone out from her left palm while a soft, calm blue glow gently pulsed from the right. “For two gems to become one they have to harmonize.” At this the light from both gems became strong and steady, their luminescence no longer wavering but shining in concert. “Dancing helps them find that harmony, allows them to sync up their different rhythms until it becomes a new one entirely.” The light from Garnet's gems changed once more, the blue and red washing away in a brilliant new glow as both gems became the deepest shade of maroon.

Dove let out a little sigh as she took in the spectacle. Garnet made it all sound so easy but she just couldn't grasp it. She _wanted_ to fuse with Sky very much, but that desire wasn't transferring into results. You'd think after all these months together they'd be in perfect sync by now...

“Alright, try again you two,” Garnet said brusquely, rising from her spot on the ground and gesturing towards the center of the clearing. Sky and Dove both got to their feet and moved to stand opposite one another.

“May I have this dance?” Sky asked teasingly, a grin splitting her face as her wild mane of pale yellow hair spilled to the ground with her bow.

“Dove,” Garnet interrupted from her spot leaning against the tree.

“Yes?”

“Just let it happen. This isn't something you can analyze and take apart piece by piece. You have to feel it out. Do you trust Sky?”

“With my life,” Dove answered without the slightest hesitation. She noticed Sky's face flush at the comment and her teasing grin grow into a heartfelt smile.

“Then let go and let it happen.”

“Alright,” Dove replied with a determined nod. She turned back to Sky, they both bowed low to one another, and then their dance began.

Only this time there was an accompaniment.

Garnet was humming a low, lilting tune that Dove didn't know. But it reminded her of starry night skies and open grassy fields and filled her with a strange sense of contentment. It seemed to wrap around her limbs as she danced towards Sky, relaxing them and making them flow naturally from one step to the next.

And so the two of them went, spiraling around the clearing, closing in on one another. Dove's dance was all elegant leaps and graceful twirls while Sky's was a bit... bolder. All swaying hips and gyrating torso. But as they drew closer their styles intermingled. Sky would execute a leap and mid-air twirl and Dove would find her hips shaking rhythmically back and forth after coming out of a pirouette. This continued until finally they were in each others arm's and Dove found herself staring up into Sky's misty gray eyes.

This time was different. This time they were going to do it. The light shining out from the back of her wrist as she held up a hand to stroke Sky's cheek was proof enough of that.

“You ready hun?" Sky asked softly.

“Yes. More than ready,” Dove whispered back.

Sky leaned her head down against Dove's and everything started to blur. Everything but Sky. She was crystal clear in Dove's gaze. She felt so light and a giddy fuzziness began to fill her mind. The last thing she heard before light completely enveloped her being was a snippet of song from Garnet.

“Something entirely new...”

 

She was so happy, so elated. They'd done it! This was wonderful! But she was also confused. Her vision was...odd somehow. And she didn't quite have the hang of her limbs. With great care she stumbled over to a small pool of water at the edge of the clearing and took in her reflection. Her hands immediately flew to her face. Well, this explained why her vision felt unusual...

She had two pairs of eyes set under her long, silvery white hair. The top pair a piercing navy blue and the bottom pair a soft gray. Slowly her hands worked their way down from her face as she took in the rest of her body. She was so big! No wonder her limbs felt clumsy. An average quartz soldier might come up to her chest. Her hands played across the star emblazoned across her breast as she looked over her uniform. It was a mixture of Sky and Dove's outfits. A dark gray, nearly black, tunic that bared her midriff with a golden star in the center. Filmy frills at her wrists and over her shoulders finished if off.

As her hands moved down to her stomach she began to trace the patterns set in her skin. White streaks crisscrossed every area of exposed flesh, almost like bolts of lightning. The rest of her skin was a shade somewhere between sky blue and steel gray, like the color of the ocean just before a storm.

“Storm...” she muttered, the word striking a chord in her mind. But then her own voice startled her out of the contemplation. It was deep and powerful but also lilting and melodic. She loved it, she loved everything about herself!

“So, how do you feel?” Garnet asked, her reflection appearing in the pool beside her. She turned to face the shorter fusion.

“Wonderful! I feel so powerful, so elegant, so happy! But... also a bit confused and disoriented. Is that normal?” she asked, an edge of worry entering her voice.

“Perfectly normal for your first fusion. Don't worry, it'll pass as you get used to your form,” Garnet answered with a wide grin

It was actually the largest smile she'd ever seen on Garnet, she seemed almost as happy as she was. So she just needed to become acquainted with her form then? She took a few tentative steps away from the pool out into the center of the clearing. What to try, what to try...Maybe a few combat drills? No, this was their first time, it should be something more memorable. A dance? Yes, a dance. She shimmied her hips and shoulders from side to side as she began, trying to gain some sense of her balance. After a few moments to build up her courage she locked her arms out in front of her chest and sent her body into a series of jumping twirls around the clearing. Laughter bubbled its way out of her chest, she was doing it! This wasn't so hard after all. Next she thought she'd try—

A muffled yell left her lips as she tripped and fell flat on her face in the grass.

Garnet's laughter rang out as she sat up with a groan and rubbed the dirt and grass off her nose.

“Maybe something a little less complex for your first time?” Garnet said as she offered her a hand up.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea.”

“You've actually held together pretty well considering how inexperienced you are. So, what should I call you?” Garnet asked, smiling brightly up at her.

Call her? That's right, she had her own name. What was it... She felt like one of her components should know this. Her bottom pair of eyes closed while her brow furrowed in thought over her upper pair. Then it hit her.

“Stormy...Stormy Quartz.” she said, her voice starting out unsure before growing firm. “Yes, Stormy Quartz, that's my name!”

“Glad to meet you Stormy,” Garnet replied reaching up to place both hands on her shoulders and laughing at her excitement.

She had a name! She was her own gem! A product of her beloved components but at the same time something entirely new! Waves upon waves of emotion washed over her and crashed around her mind, as happy as she was it was all beginning to be too much. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her shoulders as the gems on her wrist and chest began to shine. This was so wonderful, so overwhelming, so different...

And then with a blinding flash that lit up the trees she came apart.

Dove found herself flat out on her back, the elation of her first fusion fading and rapidly being replaced with a skin crawling anxiety. What had she done wrong? Why had they fallen apart? She turned her head to see Sky picking herself up, when she noticed Dove staring she flashed the most ecstatic smile.

“Sky, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did wro—”

“Nothing. You did nothing wrong Dove,” Garnet interrupted. “No one holds their first fusion for long. The emotions involved are too powerful, too overwhelming, losing balance and separating is inevitable.”

That made Dove feel somewhat better. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it because Sky strode over and scooped her up into her thick arms with a booming laugh.

“That was amazing! We were amazing! _She_ was amazing” she half shouted and half laughed while she spun Dove round and round.

“You two did a fair bit better than my first time, I fell apart in under a minute. And Pearl and Rose? Rainbow was around just long enough to say 'What?' before coming undone. Don't tell Pearl I told you that though,” Garnet said with a chuckle.

Between Garnet's reassurances and Sky's infectious jubilation Dove finally found herself letting go of her worries and marveling at her first fusion. What Sky and herself had made...it was beyond her ability to describe. But she knew she wanted to do it again. Her own laugh bubbled up to her lips and she threw her arms around Sky and squeezed as tightly as she could. A brilliant, pulsing light sprang up all around them and for one blissful moment Dove thought they were fusing again.

Then reality came crashing down all around her.

This wasn't the light of fusion, it was the light of regeneration. She was reforming. Garnet, Sky and the clearing all faded into the light that wrapped around her. The pulsing grew faster and brighter until it became a steady, brilliant glow. Then she felt it. Felt her body take shape and shift through her small number of previous forms until finally the light faded and she was back in her dank cell. Sitting in the chair, her jailer patiently waiting before her.

As the Jasper calmly reached forward and placed her back in her restraints, which was odd considering she was usually quite brutal about it, Dove felt a hot wetness on her cheeks. She couldn't help it, all the pain of her current reality settled back on her shoulders as she came out of that wonderful memory. So she silently wept for what she had lost while at the same time steeling herself for what was to come.

“I'm sorry Stormy... I'm sorry Sky...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dove, you brave and beautiful pearl. I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you. 
> 
> This chapter wasn't quite as dark as the last, mostly because I really wanted to use Dove's flashback to tackle some more thoughts I have about fusion. I took a few liberties with fusion and with regeneration here but I like to think they're close enough to be well within the spirit of the canon.
> 
> Next time we find out how Dove ended up in this situation and maybe we'll finally see a return to me writing a few action scenes...
> 
> Until then feedback and critique is greatly appreciated/desired/tell me how terrible this is! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're up to chapter three. Which was originally going to be the final chapter but it kinda got away from me. We have at least one more chapter before Dove's journey concludes. I hope you enjoy.

“Please...just tell me what you know,” the Jasper whispered, her head slumped forward hiding her eyes. Dove blinked away her tears and stared, this was new.

“What?” Dove asked despite herself. She couldn't' help it. This was the first time her jailer had spoken to her in a way that wasn't snarled questions or ruthless mockery. Quite frankly she'd prefer that. This...this made her uneasy.

“Tell me what you know and this can be over. No more pain, no more regenerations. I'll even pull some strings, get you an owner. You'll just disappear back into gem society. No one will ever notice another secondhand pearl,” the Jasper breathed in quite desperation as she looked up and into Dove's eyes.

What Dove saw there confused her. Jasper was...afraid. But she didn't understand why, regardless it didn't change her answer. “I won't go back to being a pretty trinket for some upper crust Homeworld elite and I won't betray my friends. I am my _own_ gem, a Crystal Gem,” she grated out in a barely controlled growl. She was angry, how _dare_ this Jasper make her feel anything approaching concern for her. After what they'd done to her, after what they'd done to Sky...

“Please,” Jasper said again in a hollow, resigned voice, “I don't want to do this.”

Dove clamped her jaw down so hard her teeth rattled before squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't know what the Jasper was getting at, what kind of trick this was, but she wasn't having any of it. Probably just trying to psych her out, get in her head, before unleashing an even more brutal form of torture than she'd endured so far. She concentrated, removed herself, and sought out a specific memory. If she was going to endure whatever was coming next she'd have to stoke the fires burning through her core that had seen her this far. She'd have to find her resolve anew.

* * *

Jasper found herself caressing her gem again, anxiously stroking it as she did everything in her power to reason with the pearl in front of her. The pearl's adamant refusal spawned a sinking dread in the very pit of her stomach that was immediately replaced with sizzling anger. Didn't she understand what she was offering? What she was risking? Jasper was putting her neck out, risking shattering, for a _pearl_. All she wanted in return was the information, all she wanted was some reason to avoid what she'd been ordered to do.

The pearl was ignoring her now, Japser knew that look. Knew this trick. It would take the most brutal of tortures to snap her out of that state. And then what? More fruitless questioning? More punishment until her physical form dissipated again? The thought sent a chill through Jasper's form, that couldn't happen. She couldn't face her Diamond empty handed another time. With a trembling hand she finally reached down for the small case at her side. Once it was in her lap she snapped it open. She stared at the implement inside for what seemed like an eternity before she finally picked it up. With an audible click a fast, high pitched hum filled the room.

She was out of time and so was the pearl.

* * *

Dove filled a niche, but vital role in the Rebellion. Put bluntly she was a spy, one of many but matched by few. Her shape-shifting abilities were peerless. Homeworld was particularly vulnerable to them considering their attitudes towards the practice. To them it was mostly a waste of energy, a show of disrespect to your given form. So they never noticed when an odd earth animal was snooping around a facility. Never imagined it was a gem in disguise. After all they didn't know mice weren't supposed to be silvery white.

But overall, while still important, only part of their intelligence came from these activities. Most was procured through informants. Crystal Gems who had made the sacrifice of remaining in the Diamond's rigid society for the cause. But on occasion their intel was too sensitive to transmit or slip out without notice. Sometimes it had to be received in person. And what better candidate for the job than a pearl? Pearls could come and go nearly anywhere and no one ever questioned it. After all you didn't ask a piece of furniture what it was doing. Dove had been on her way home from such a mission the day everything went wrong.

It'd been a fairly routine and uneventful infiltration. She'd met with a Amethyst informant at one of the many barracks sprinkled around Homeworld territory on Earth. The information she'd gleaned had been troop deployments and battle plans for the next several months. These were invaluable. Without information like this it would be nigh impossible for Rose Quartz's smaller army to resist the might of the Diamonds. So it was with a spring in her step that Dove had met up with Sky and a Chalcedony named Legs on the edge of Crystal Gem territory. They were to be her escort home.

“Dove!” Sky cried with enthusiasm as she walked beneath the thick canopy at the edge of the forest that was their rendezvous point. Dove found herself grunting fondly as Sky wrapped her in a thick armed hug.

“At least save it until we're back at base you two, stars,” Legs said with a crooked smile painted across her slim blue face.

“You're just jealous,” Sky retorted as she pushed Dove out to arms length. “Everything go okay hun? How's Twinkle Toes?”

Dove laughed as she wrapped her arms around Sky's chest and leaned back into the burly gem. She still couldn't believe a hulking Amethyst, her informant for this mission, had chosen a name like Twinkle Toes. She'd have to get the story behind it sometime. “She's fine Sky, she sends her regards. And everything went perfectly, I have the intel right here,” Dove said as her gem glowed briefly and she produced a data storage crystal from within it.

“Hah! In and out as slick as always. Homeworld must be going nuts by now with how our intel operations have stepped up. C'mon, let's get back to base and celebrate!” Sky cried.

“I'll have to make my report to Pearl first before we do any celebrating Sky,” Dove laughed. She threw Legs an apologetic smile for putting up with their antics. Legs just blew at her sea green bangs and grinned back with a playful roll of her eyes.

 

_In and out as slick as always._

Those words would come to haunt Dove.

 

Dove squawked briefly as Sky scooped her up into her arms. “I can walk on my own Sky!” she said sternly as she wrapped her arms around the burly gem's neck. But there was no real bite in it, she loved it when Sky carried her. It felt...safe.

“Oh don't complain, you deserve a break aft—“ Sky stumbled forward a few steps before stopping entirely as Dove felt a sharp pain in her left arm. She yelped in surprise and instinctively looked down.

A slender, red javelin tip protruded out from the right side of Sky's breast and partially into Dove's shoulder. Sky was staring down at it as well, mouth agape. Misty gray eyes wide in shock. The thin blade was delicate really, it hardly seemed like a threat.

It jutted out from the center of Sky's gem.

Dove watched in horror as cracks formed and spider-webbed all across the surface of the smooth, white streaked blue gem.

“Do-Dove...I...” Sky breathed out in the barest whisper.

No, this couldn't be happening. It couldn't. How? What could she do? If only Rose were here...Maybe they could fuse? Maybe Stormy's strength could hold Sky together long enough... Dove desperately reached out to Sky with her very core, her gem flaring to life. But instead of that easy, effortless merger they'd experienced so many times before, Dove felt...nothing.

She looked up into Sky's face, her vision blurry and distorted by the hot tears streaming from her eyes. Sky was looking at her and...Sky was smiling.

Then she was gone.

In a great cloud of smoke Sky's physical form dissipated and Dove fell onto the rough roots of the forest floor. She stared in horror as dozens of tiny, glinting shards fell in front of her.

No.

Nononononononono.

_NO!_

She didn't realize she was screaming. She didn't realize she was cutting her hands on the sharp shards as she desperately gathered the remnants of Sky's gem and held them to her chest.

“Sky...no. Don't leave me,” she whispered brokenly to the glimmering shards. Legs had her by the shoulders, tugging desperately but Dove barely registered it. She felt so numb, so distanced from everything around her. As if none of this were real, because it couldn't be. Then voices cut into her paralyzed mind.

“Idiot! You weren't supposed to shatter her, we want them alive!

“How was I supposed to know where her gem was located from that angle? It was just a lucky shot.”

“Both of you shut it, the pearl is the important one. We know she's our leak, the other rebels are just a bonus.”

Dove looked up from her ravaged hands, from the razor sharp shards that were all that remained of Sky. A squad of six carnelians walked towards them out of the undergrowth, almost casually. They probably didn't think a pearl and a chalcedony posed any danger. They'd gotten rid of the only warrior, the only threat.

They'd gotten rid of Sky.

The one in front lazily reached to the gem on the side of her right bicep and pulled out another crimson javelin. That was the one, the one who had killed Sky. Leg's voice finally registered with her then.

“Dove get up, please get up. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but we have to run for it. We can't take on six quartzes alone,” she pleaded desperately, her hands had left Dove's shoulders and she was kneeling beside her now.

Dove let out a long, shaky breath and closed her eyes. It was her fault. Somewhere, somehow she'd gotten sloppy and now Sky was dead. And it was her fault.

“Take Sky and go,” Dove said in a hollow, steely voice as a silvery bubble sprang up around the shards in her hands and she handed it to Legs.

“What? You're coming too. You bring Sky and lets go!” Legs replied, her voice rising to near hysterics.

Dove glanced at her, she was crying. Great shining tears streaming down her blue cheeks to fall against the cerulean gem set in her chest. Dove smiled. “Take this too,” she said as she produced the data crystal from her gem.

“Dove I—”

“I'm not going Legs. I can't match your speed and if you hold back there's a chance they'll catch us both. Or worse, we'll lead them to the base. Now please...take Sky home for me.”

“Dove, not even Rose can heal this,” Legs replied, her voice cracking as she took the bubble and information crystal.

“I know, I just want her to be home. Do that for me okay?”

“They'll shatter you Dove.”

“They already have.”

Dove stood then and scrubbed the remaining tears from her eyes as she faced their attackers. “Tell Pearl I did my best to show everyone what pearls are made of alright?” Dove asked with a small chuckle as Legs stood up beside her. Legs surprised her then by wrapping her in a tight, one-armed hug from behind, leaning her forehead between Dove's narrow shoulder blades.

“Bye Dove,” Legs gasped out around barely suppressed sobs. Then she was gone, a blue blur rocketing through the trees. The blow back from her explosive sprint left Dove's hair dancing in the ensuing wind. Most of the carnelians were shocked into motionlessness by the sudden display, but the javelin user quickly launched her weapon after Legs.

It never made it past Dove.

With a yell wrenched straight from her core she reached to the radiant gem on the back of her left wrist and pulled forth her weapon. A long, elegant, mace. Silver spiraled around white chasing its way up the haft to the brutally flanged head. Despite its obvious grace it was still a decidedly un-pearl-like weapon. Which Dove loved. With a casual leap she intercepted the crimson javelin, bringing her mace overhead in a brutal vertical swing. The javelin snapped in two, the pieces twirling violently through the air from the force of the blow before vanishing in a shimmery haze.

Dove landed lightly and settled into a fighting stance. The carnelians were staring at her, very likely shocked to see a pearl put on such a display. No matter how often the stories circulated, Homeworld Gems never seemed to believe there were pearls that could actually fight. But Dove only had eyes for one Carnelian at the moment.

Sky's killer.

She was the first to recover from her shock. She smiled, she still wasn't taking this seriously. Good. Dove's greatest advantage on the battlefield was how often her opponents underestimated her. Another javelin materialized in her hands, then her smile vanished and she snapped her arm forward with shocking speed. Dove was taken aback for half a moment and it nearly got her skewered. She just barely dodged the assault, throwing herself into a spinning twirl to the right. She winced as the weapon grazed her torso, leaving a small gash in the star on her uniform. Her head snapped up and her smoldering navy blue eyes bored into the carnelian.

Now it was her turn.

She charged, legs pumping harder than they ever had in her life. She had to close the distance between them. The other carnelians were still hanging back, they seemed to think their friend could handle a pearl on her own. Wonderful. Javelin after javelin screamed through the air as she ran, but she had her enemy's measure now. She easily dashed from side to side to avoid the projectiles. When she was ten feet away the carnelian finally seemed to loose some of her confidence. She drew a new javelin, but instead of throwing it she held it with both hands, taking up a defensive stance.

Then Dove was on top of her.

Then Dove was dancing.

The carnelian thrust and swung at her, trying to impale Dove on her weapon's tip or bash her with the haft. But she met only air. Dove spun and wove around her opponent's attacks, an elegant dance contrasted by brutal strikes from her mace. Her first hit took her enemy in the chest, she cried out in shock and pain and stumbled backward leaving an opening. Dove spun viciously, bringing her mace around hard from the left in a brutal two-handed horizontal stroke. She felt the crunch as her flanged mace head made contact, she smiled as it sank into the carnelian's rib cage. Her opponent doubled over in pain and she took advantage. Her right leg snapped out, catching the carnelian under the chin and sending her reeling backwards. Dove heard a growl. Oh, her opponent was angry now? Must be embarrassing for her, getting thrashed this way by a pearl in front of her squad.

Oh Dove would show her anger. Nothing could match the rage she felt towards this gem right now. Nothing could equal the pain she had caused her by taking away Sky.

The carnelian recovered rather admirably all things considered. She snapped back up and brought her javelin around in a heavy horizontal swing. Dove had to admit it was quite fast, she mused for a moment over what damage it might have caused as it passed harmlessly above her pointed nose. She'd sank to her knees and dipped her torso backward to avoid the blow. Her opponent overextended after missing the powerful attack, fighting to remain upright. Dove snapped up straight and while still on her knees swung her mace around with her right arm with all the force she could pour into it. It crashed into the carnelian's left hip with an audible snap. She screamed and fell forward on her right knee, holding the weight off her left side by digging her javelin into the earth.

Dove was standing again, staring down at her battered foe. The other carnelians were frozen a dozen yards back, mouths hanging open in disbelief. Dove's vision blurred and she realized she was crying again, hot tears pouring down her cheeks as her opponent looked up at her.

“Who...who are you?” she gasped

“Oh you know, just another pearl,” Dove answered, surprised by how calmly her voice came out past the lump in her throat. “A pearl whose beloved you just casually murdered.”

“It was an accident. I didn't mea—”

Dove screamed. Dove screamed louder and harder than she ever had in her entire existence. She shrieked her pain to the forest canopy above. Tried to vent all the agony out through her raw throat and into the air surrounding her. She screamed and she swung her mace. She held her weapon in a two-handed death grip as she cocked it back to her left as far as she could go. Then with everything she had she slammed it into the right bicep of the quartz kneeling before her.

Slammed it directly into the carnelian's gemstone.

The last expression Dove saw on the carnelian's face before it vanished in a cloud of smoke was fear. For a moment it tore at her, but then Sky's smiling face floated before her eyes and washed any regret away. She slammed her mace head down on top of her vanquished foe's gem shards and ground them into the earth. Then she looked up at her remaining opponents.

“Who's next?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Dove...I'm sorry Sky... Why do I do this to my first ever OCs? T_T
> 
> Any who hope you enjoyed the chapter. Feedback is always welcome, what you liked, what you didn't like, etc.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one month...just barely. Three even if you count a [guest piece](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/23704536) I wrote. New record for me! XD Also I've changed the chapter count on this again, the next chapter will be the last one. I _promise_. This one just got away from me a bit and I felt it needed to be split.

The five remaining carnelians stood in silent shock. They stared open mouthed at Dove as she leaned into her mace, crushing the remains of Sky's killer further into the dirt. Dove knew it wouldn't last. In a few moments their disbelief would vanish and they'd come at her with everything they had.

And then Dove would die.

She held no illusions, she would be shattered here. That was fine though. Maybe shattering would ease the aching, throbbing agony in her gem. The void of sorrow trying to consume her. The despair that only her white hot fury kept at bay. She would die, but she was going to put up the fight of her life first. With a nimble flourish of her fingers she spun her mace up into a forward guard and settled into a ready position. Feet wide, body low. It was time.

A crack of thunder split the tension building under the forest canopy. Lightning flashed, setting the trees awash in blue light as the sky darkened overhead. The carnelians jumped at the noise but it finally seemed to snap them out of their stupor. Five grim, red faces turned towards Dove. Five gems flashed crimson as weapons were drawn. Dove smiled as the first drops of rain landed in her long, tied back, silver hair. She loved storms. They reminded her of Sky. Of when they were together. Of when they were something more.

As the sky cracked open and rain began falling in thick sheets the carnelians charged. One holding a double bladed battle axe pulled out ahead of the others, snarling and glaring, meaning to take Dove down in one massive swing.

Sloppy.

Dove sprinted towards the lead quartz with her mace raised as if she intended to clash weapons with her foe. At the last moment she dropped into a dive, feet leading, right between the axe wielder's legs. The ground was already turning to muck, it aided her slide while coating her gray uniform in a rich layer of black mud. She sprang up behind her opponent before she could ever hope to turn and respond, Dove had her opening. The gem on the quartz's lower back was perfectly exposed. Her right shoulder rolled forward as she whipped her mace ahead, the air screaming around its silvery white haft as she struck.

Right between the carnelian's shoulder blades.

A loud grunt that transformed into a strangled yell tore out of the quartz soldier's mouth as she fell to to her hands and knees in the mud. Her body shimmered briefly and a low growl escaped her throat. Then she succumbed to the small crater in her spine and dissipated her physical form in a puff of scarlet smoke. Dove contemplated the sparkling gem sitting in the mud for the half second it took her to whirl around and ready for her remaining opponents. A large part of her wanted to shatter it, to grind it into the wet earth. But she couldn't, that wasn't the Crystal Gem way, and a larger part of her was glad she could still see that here at her end. She'd shattered Sky's killer, that was enough. Because in all reality even the quartz warriors that would kill her were just more victims of Homeworld.

Two more carnelians closed on her, one wielding a huge hammer while the other held a crescent bladed spear. Their comrades lumbered in not far behind, obscured from Dove's view. She stood calmly and lowered her mace, the faces of the two in front crinkled in confusion for a moment but they couldn't resist the tempting opening. Lightning flashed across the sky washing out the clearing with its searing light. The two lead carnelians swung their weapons mightily as Dove's body fluoresced with the lightning.

In an instant she shrank down to a small, sleek and furry form. Sky said the humans called it a cat and Dove had often employed the form during covert missions. A silvery white streak shot between the attacking quartzes and onward to flank the two immediately behind them. Hammer and spear clashed where a second before Dove had stood. The two carnelians overbalanced and crashed together in a heap with their weapons. But the pair behind them managed to stop in time. Another flash of light and Dove was back in her usual form charging to the right at one of the still standing carnelians. She intended to deliver a crushing blow to her neck before her opponent ever noticed her.

Instead she found herself crying out in pain as she slammed against the trunk of a nearby tree.

The carnelian on her left had noticed her at the last moment despite all the commotion. A crimson chain had wrapped around her torso just as she was about to deliver her decisive blow and now she was crumpled and trapped in the splintered impression her impact had made upon the tree. She struggled to free her arms but the chains bit into her silvery white skin and squeezed her so tightly. She felt like she was going to burst.

“Not yet,” she growled as the rain plastered her shimmering bangs to her forehead.

“Not so tough when you can't jump and slide all over the place huh?” The chain wielding carnelian snarled as she walked up to Dove. “Now, let's end this little game.” The carnelian heaved her left arm back and slammed her fist forward with a roar right into Dove's face.

Or right where Dove's face should have been.

With a silvery white flare Dove's form shrank again, the chain holding her fell limply into the mud and the carnelian's fist slammed into the tree. A hail of splinters flew in every direction as a section of the tree's trunk exploded with a clap to rival the thunder. A low groan came from the wood as the hardwood toppled backwards against its fellows. The carnelian growled and looked all around through the unrelenting sheets of rain, finally turning to her companions.

“Where did the pearl go?” she shouted over another rumbling peal. The hammer user and the spear wielder had returned to their feet and were scanning the small clearing intently. The remaining carnelian, who was holding a short handled and wickedly curved scythe, simply shrugged in consternation.

Then her eyes widened in shock.

“Turn around! She's right behind you!” she screamed.

But it was too late. Dove's mace slammed into the side of the chain wielding warriors head even as she began to turn. There was a crunch as the flanged mace head sank partially into her opponent's skull before the quartz exploded in a cloud of smoke that was quickly dissipated by the stormy winds. And Dove stood there, covered in mud as she pushed her sopping bangs out of her angry navy blue eyes.

Her legs were shaky as she readied herself for the next assault. Her arms and sides ached from the tremendous pressure the chain had exerted on her and there were stinging shards of wood embedded all through her upper back and neck due to her splintering collision with the tree.That last attack had done more damage than she cared to admit.

It would be over soon.

With a roar of rage the scythe wielder charged her, mud flying as her massive feet tore up the soaked earth. Hammer and Spear weren't far behind her, their own battle cries rising over the ever worsening storm. Dove sprinted out to her right towards the center of the clearing. Giving herself space and moving away from the remnants of the tree she'd been so thoroughly smashed into. The trio followed. Scythe reaching her first and unleashing a dizzying array of horizontal cuts with her wickedly curved blade. She was surprisingly fast for her size and Dove could do little more than dodge.

Then Hammer and Spear joined the fray.

Dove sidestepped a swipe from the scythe, narrowly ducked under a powerful hammer swing only to immediately fling herself to the right to avoid being impaled upon the curved blade of a thrusting spear. She couldn't keep this up. She parried blows where she could with her mace and they left her arms numb. These were quartz soldiers. Whatever superior combat skills she possessed they still dwarfed her several times over in raw strength. Finally she made a mistake. Her left foot slipped in the black slush their battle had churned up and she went to one knee.

Instead of sliding under a blow from the hammer she took it square in the chest and went barreling head over heels backwards through the mud until another tree trunk abruptly stopped her progress. A bolt of lightning spider-webbed the sky in brilliant blue-white as she knelt on hands and knees in the mud. Her entire body was screaming at her, she screwed her eyes shut and balled her fists up in the muck as she fought to maintain her flickering form.

“Just a little bit longer. Please. Just a little bit more. I'm not done yet,” she whispered fiercely to herself. A shadow fell over her blocking out the weak sunlight filtering through the clouds. The carnelians were standing above her, they must think she was finally finished.

“And after all that show, in the end you're still just a pearl,” one of them growled overhead.

“Just a pearl...” Dove repeated in a soft, pained voice a she continued the struggle to maintain her physical form.

 

_“Hey...none of that hun.”_

 

Dove's eyes snapped open and her form solidified. A vicious snarl ripped through her throat. She jumped to her feet as her whole body was suffused with with silvery-white light. Her form grew. She was as large as the carnelians now. Then larger still. Twice their size. Three times. More. The light faded and a gigantic Dove stood before her three opponents. They were looking up at her with a mixture of disbelief and horror. With a roar that shook the trees Dove brought her now gigantic right arm across in a vicious backhanded strike.

All three quartzes went flying.

A colossal Dove went charging after them, her newly massive feet tearing into the sodden earth as she went. But halfway across the clearing her body fluoresced once more. She couldn't maintain this form. She found herself on her knees, breathing heavily out of habit, staring ahead as her opponent's picked themselves up. Shape-shifting was so energy intensive, even for her. That last attack had spent her utterly. They were charging her now, screaming at the top of their voices. Evidently she'd finally convinced them to not take any more chances. The thought brought a weak smile to her lips as she struggled to her feet. By some miracle she managed to summon her weapon.

It was time.

Spear reached her half a moment before the others. She swung her long handled weapon for Dove's torso, Dove jumped over the blow, then Hammer was there. She couldn't avoid it, the hammer blow clipped her right shoulder and sent her sprawling onto her face in the mud. She dropped her mace and it vanished in a cloud of silvery-white sparkles. Huh, the rain had stopped she observed absentmindedly. Her vision parallel to the ground. Great golden shafts of light shining down into the clearing.

Then she was screaming.

The spear head entered just to the right of her left shoulder-blade and punched through into the earth beneath. Pinning her to the ground. She bit off the scream with a growl as she clenched her jaw shut. Then a new pain filled her scalp and she winced as her head was snapped back sharply, a large hand viciously pulling it up by her long silver hair.

“It's _over_ ,” a voice rasped in her ear as a scythe blade pressed against her exposed throat. But Dove wasn't really paying attention. With her head at this angle she could see the blue sky peeking out through the retreating storm clouds. A blue sky tinged with wispy bands of gentle white.

 

“ _You ready hun?”_

 

“Yes. More than ready,” Dove whispered just before the curved blade took her head from her narrow shoulders.

* * *

Dove came back to herself slowly, her resolve bolstered to face whatever torture was to come after reliving what had happened to Sky. After recalling how she came to be here. After reaffirming her purpose. The first thing she registered was a high pitched whirring hum filling her small cell. The second was her jailer's huge hand clamped down over her left forearm. Oddly that restraining hand seemed to be shaking... It didn't matter, she was ready for whatever may come as she opened her eyes.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. For what was about to happen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ominous cliffhanger ending...I hate those. Sorry. I've never made such liberal use of the flashback technique in any of my writing before, I hope it hasn't become too jarring or confusing in this fic. This chapter is also the most melodramatic thing I've ever written. Hah. Still, hope you're enjoying the ride. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last we're finished...
> 
> This chapter picks up immediately where the last left off, which was awhile ago now, so maybe read the last paragraph of Chapter 4 as a refresher. :)

“I didn't want to do this. You made me do this!” her jailer screeched hysterically as Dove looked on in horror. She expected to have her form tortured, she expected to be shattered outright. But not this. Anything but this. With strength fueled by terror Dove renewed her futile struggle against her bonds. She twisted and pulled with all her might. Tore skin and strained her form to near breaking in her efforts. Through it all Jasper held her left arm firmly in place. Held it steady. As the spinning, humming cutting disc of this latest torture device moved closer to the gem on her wrist.

“Don't do this! Shatter me, harvest me, but don't do _t_ _his._ Even Homeworld is better than this!” she shouted desperately as she stared down wide eyed at her gem, her struggle forgotten.

“I don't have any other choice, it's the will of my Diamond. They want what you know, nothing else has worked. This must,” Jasper grated out in a strained, hollow voice. She wouldn't meet Dove's eyes.

Dove's mind raced. She had to do something. Shape-shift? Yes, that may be worth a try. She hadn't bothered before now because she was confined in a small room with a hulking quartz whenever she held a physical form. Even if she shifted out of her bonds there was no room for her to fight. Jasper would easily corner and overpower her. But right now even the slimmest chance was preferable to this. Her form fluoresced as she began to shift and then...

Agony like she'd never imagined arced through her.

Not through her form. Through _her._ Right through her very being. A sickening whine came from the gem cutter as it dug into her gem. Particles of dust, particles of _her_ flew into her face and the face of her jailer. Dove's back arched and her entire form writhed and shook and thrashed as violently as her bonds would permit. Through it all her jailer held down her left arm with gritted teeth and slowly, tortuously moved the cutting wheel through the gem on her wrist.

Dove began to scream. If the sound that escaped her throat could be called a scream.

Her shrieking voice was distorted and terrible. Wavering in pitch and intensity at random as indescribable pain racked her core. The closest comparison for her keen was the sound of a malfunctioning comm unit. Her voice breaking and distorting, rising and falling into what almost sounded like static. She lost all sense of self. Her vision blackened and the only sound that met her ears was the whirling grind of the torture device progressing through her. Time lost meaning. She lost awareness. She didn't know what was happening, what she was doing, what she was saying. She knew only torment. Jumbled sounds began to filter through the agonized haze that had settled over her. Her jailer she thought. Yelling at her. Questioning her. What was happening? Was she answering? Everything was so distorted. So indecipherable. Finally her vision cleared enough for her to make out Jasper's face in front of her own.

“When I come back you'll tell me everything you know and then this will be over. For both of us! You understand!?” she yelled in a panicked voice right in Dove's face. Dove could only stare listlessly at her as she whirled around and stomped out the door.

Then darkness took her.

* * *

Jasper fell to her knees the moment the cell door slid shut behind her. Her chest heaved as she gasped for breath she didn't need and her hand clutched desperately at the gem on her right shoulder. The grinding whir of the gem cutter still echoed in her ears. Her entire form shook and crawled with the imagined sensation of it biting into her own gem. Jasper had seen and done many things over the centuries since her emergence. She'd shattered gems in combat and she'd tortured and twisted their physical forms. She was _good_ at it, that was why she'd been given this assignment. No gem could keep their secrets under her ministrations.

But this pearl...this _gem_ named Dove, somehow she had.

Even in the midst of her gem being cleaved she'd said nothing, given nothing. Just wailed that eerie, distorted scream for all she was worth. Jasper had never had to do anything like this before. It was detestable. Torturing an easily restored physical form was a simple means to an end, shattering a gem in fair combat was the life of any warrior. But this...this was barbaric. Jasper couldn't continue, she had to get out of there. Away from Dove, away from the grinding whir. But her Diamond had demanded it. Had promised shattering if she didn't produce results.

As Jasper crouched on the floor outside her prisoner's cell, arms around her knees and face buried, she began to wonder if being shattered wouldn't be preferable to what she was doing. To what she'd done.

* * *

Consciousness slowly returned to Dove and she wished with all her might that it hadn't. Her physical form flickered and shimmered where she sat in her chair. There one moment and a distorted blur the next. Like a malfunctioning holo-communication. Her mind was sluggish, fragmented. Where was she? Why was she here? Where was Sky?

Sky...

Who was Sky?

For a few moments Dove didn't know who she was. For a few moments she didn't remember the love of her life. Then she glanced at her gem. At the neat groove that perfectly bisected the round stone on her wrist. She looked down at her wavering form. At the glittering silvery-white dust that covered her. In a torrent it came back to her.

“Sky...Sky I'm sorry,” she choked out in a barely audible whisper as tears began streaming down her face. How could she forget _Sky?_ For even a moment?

Her wavering form shook as she cried. Sobs racking her in time with the flickering distortions of her body. What else had she forgotten? What had she given to her captor during the brutalization of her gem? She didn't know... She didn't know and it terrified her. She'd believed she could withstand anything. That her sorrow and rage would sustain her to her shattering. But not through this...She couldn't withstand this. Stars above, what if she'd given them away? What if she'd told Jasper everything? Their base, their plans...What if she'd given up her friends? Her family? She didn't know. She couldn't remember if she'd said anything during her mutilation. All that came to her mind was white-hot agony and endless screaming.

Fresh sobs racked her at these thoughts. She couldn't do this. She couldn't _endure_ this. She would give something away. Homeworld would get what they wanted from her. She knew of nearly every informant hiding within the enemy ranks, it was her job to know, the only gem who knew more was the Renegade herself. She would be the end of the Rebellion! Her breathing came in ragged gasps and her form wavered and flickered even more violently as she was overcome by panic.

It was then that she realized she was alone.

For the first time since her imprisonment she was alone while still maintaining a physical form. She stared around her small cell in disbelief. This was her chance. This was her opportunity to ensure that no more secrets of the Rebellion fell into Homeworld's hands. With a deep, mostly even breath Dove steadied herself. Struggled to regain some control of her form. Struggled to think clearly. Shape-shift. She had to shape-shift out of her bonds while she was alone. With another fortifying breath Dove closed her eyes and sought to change her form. Her body began to glow but at the same time the fluctuations in her form increased in intensity. Her eyes snapped open and the glow faded.

For the first time since she'd learned to shape-shift she failed to change her form.

No. No this couldn't be. She _needed_ this. This was her talent. What was she going to do? Jasper was going to come back. She was going to cut into her again. Grind away at her gem. And then she'd tell her everything. Anything. Without control. She was panicking again. This wasn't like her. This wasn't how she was trained. But it was so hard to focus now...

Wait.

How she was trained.

 

_Relax. Visualize the form you want to take. Feel it out. And then slip into it. Nothin' to it hun. But don't be too discouraged if you don't get it on your first try rookie._

 

A shaky smile came to Dove's lips along with a sense of calm as the words drifted unbidden through her consciousness. Sky's words from her earliest days of training. And Dove _had_ gotten it on her first try. She could still feel the sense of satisfaction at the surprised look on Sky's face even hundreds of years later.

She could do this.

“Relax. Visualize. Feel it. Then just slip into it,” Dove whispered to herself as she closed her eyes and made a second attempt. Her form stabilized, then it began to glow. After a few moments she shrank down until finally a white feathered dove with silver flecked wing tips solidified in the seat of her chair. Free of all restraints. She gave a short hop and briefly sprang into flight, clearing the chair, but light filled the small room again as she lost the form and fell in a flickering heap to the floor below.

Well. At least she was free.

Dove struggled to her feet and took stock of her surroundings. She examined the room for something, anything she could use as a weapon. There was no way she could manage this next part barehanded. But there was nothing. Jasper's interrogation tools had left the room with her. She'd have to summon her mace. Somehow.

Summoning a weapon was a unique process for every gem. Ask three gems how they did it and you'd get three different answers back. But for Dove it had always been simple. Her weapon responded to need. She'd first summoned her mace entirely by accident during a combat drill she was about to painfully lose. She'd spent the better part of the next week apologizing profusely to the Citrine she'd walloped in the head. Sky thought it was a riot, she never had let Dove live it down. Told the story whenever the opportunity arose. The memory lifted Dove's spirits somewhat. She could do it.

If ever she'd had a need it was now.

Once again she closed her eyes in concentration and focused on her damaged gem. For a few moments nothing happened. Sweat beaded on Dove's forehead and ran down her face, her breathing quickened with the exertion. After a few more moments her scarred gem flickered weakly, silvery-white light igniting and fading at random intervals. “Come on,” Dove hissed between clenched teeth, “I need you. _Please_.” Her body shook as her gem continued to flicker and a mild distortion moved through her form. But at last her gem flared to life with a brilliant glow. With a relieved gasp Dove reached across with her right hand and quickly pulled her silver chased white mace forth and held its flanged head before her eyes. It was solid. It was stable. She leaned slightly against the small table next to her chair, the table that formerly held the devices of her torture, and collected herself. Now that she had her weapon she could bring a swift end to all of this.

Her cell door snapped open as Jasper returned to the room.

For several seconds they just stared at each other. Jasper standing in mild shock, her case of torture devices held at her side, and Dove leaning against the table mace hanging by her hip. It didn't matter. Jasper appearing wouldn't change her plans in the slightest. It was too late for her to interfere.

“What do you think you're doing?” Jasper said in a surprisingly haggard voice. She made no threatening moves. She just stood there, shoulders slumped, as if she were simply tired of it all.

“Stretching my legs,” Dove replied with all the snark she could muster. The wavering, distorted quality of her voice ruined the effect somewhat.

“Why are you putting yourself through all this?”

“Last time I checked you were the monster that did this to my gem, not me,” Dove answered while holding up her left hand and displaying the back of her wrist. To Dove's surprise Jasper winced and averted her eyes from Dove's damaged gem.

“I didn't have any other choice...” Jasper mumbled bitterly.

“If I've learned one thing from the Rebellion it's that we all have a choice,” Dove replied as she leaned her left hand against the table. She needed to end this soon, but some banter with her jailer of so long couldn't hurt while she built up the courage.

“Do you really think your rebels stand any chance against the might of the Diamonds?” Jasper snarled.

“Yes.”

“Then you're a fool.”

“Am I? Then why are the Diamonds so desperate for what I know? Why go through all this,” Dove gestured around the torture chamber with her mace, “for information on an enemy they can easily defeat?”

Jasper didn't seem to have an answer for that. She stood still and stared down at the floor as if contemplating what Dove had said. Dove took several deep breaths and tightened her grip on her mace, she'd delayed long enough, but as she was bracing herself Jasper spoke again.

“I don't understand you. You're nothing like what pearls are supposed to be.”

“You mean I don't act like a piece of property? A slave? I don't cower at the thought of the Diamonds and follow their every whim like you?”

“What else can we do?! It's what we're made for!” Jasper shouted as she threw her case of torture implements to the side. It clanged loudly against the metal floor.

“Whatever we want! Just because the Diamonds made us doesn't mean they own us! We have a _choice_ ,” Dove yelled back just a fiercely. Her navy blue eyes blazing as she stared defiantly at her jailer. Jasper seemed to deflate at the outburst. Slumping back and leaning against the wall as she returned Dove's gaze.

“There's nowhere for you to go.”

“I know.”

“Even if you defeat me you'll never make it to the galaxy warp in that state.”

“I know.”

“Then what are you doing?”

Dove didn't answer immediately. She had her left hand pressed flat against the metal table and stared down at the gem on the back of her wrist. She didn't want to admit it but she was scared. She was shaking and it wasn't the periodic distortions of her form. If Sky were here she'd laugh at her and just tell her to get on with it in that warm, encouraging way that she'd used throughout Dove's training. Well, maybe not in this instance if she knew what Dove was planning to do. But it was time. She had to do this. For the Rebellion. For the Crystal Gems. For the Earth. For Sky. She raised her mace and looked up at Jasper, who stood on her guard at the threat of the weapon, and answered her question.

“Making a choice,” she said solemnly and this time her voice was clear and whole. With those last words Dove brought her mace crashing down with all the strength she had left. Crashing down right into her silvery-white gem. With a puff of smoke and a spray of glittering shards it was over.

Dove was gone.

Her family was safe.

* * *

Jasper lunged forward with a cry of surprise as the pearl's mace fell, as she realized what was happening. It was a pointless effort, she couldn't stop it. The pearl... Dove never broke eye contact with her as she shattered herself. What Jasper saw in those eyes in the moments before they vanished in a cloud of smoke and spray of gem shards confused her utterly.

Contentment.

Dove had been entirely at peace as she took her own life.

Jasper fell to her knees where Dove had been standing and stared down at the silvery-white gem fragments spread across the cold floor. Slowly, methodically she began to collect them in the palm of her hand.

“I don't understand,” she whispered to the glittering remnants as she worked. “What drove you? What changed you? What made you willing to make such a _horrible_ sacrifice?”

For the first time in her centuries of life Jasper found herself questioning everything. Homeworld, the war, the Rebellion, the Diamonds, pearls. Especially pearls. Pearls weren't toys or tools or barely sentient servants with just enough intelligence to follow orders. She was beyond certain of that now. They were gems. Gems as aware and alive as herself. Dove had more than proven that. She stood and gave to room one final sweep, making sure that she hadn't missed a single shard. Then she looked down at the glittering fragments in her palm and encased them in a pale, orange bubble. With that she turned and left the cell, heading down the winding, barren corridors of the base.

Many gems passed her as she walked although none dared to approach her. They knew her reputation, knew what she was doing here. Many glanced at the bubbled shards in her hand and quickened their pace. A few higher ranking gems looked from the shards to Jasper, a calculating expression painted across their faces. They would know of the orders she'd been given by her Diamond, of the ultimatum. They were wondering if she'd obtained the required information or if she was a shattered gem walking. But none of that mattered to Jasper now, none of them mattered.

Her footsteps echoed through the wide chamber that housed the galaxy warp as she climbed the steps up to the pad. She couldn't stay here, she'd failed and as far as Homeworld was concerned her fate was sealed. But again that didn't matter to her anymore. All she knew was that for the first time in her life she was without purpose. She didn't know if where she was headed would have answers, more likely than not it would lead to her shattering as well, just at different hands. But she was going to find out.

She wanted to understand.

* * *

Legs stood in the small, rose enshrouded clearing. Their thorny vines forming a protective wall around this place while their vibrant blossoms provided a mournful beauty for the precious contents they watched over. She stared up at the myriad and multicolored bubbles floating before her. Every Crystal Gem that had fallen in battle, every Crystal Gem that was beyond Rose's healing abilities was kept here. At least all the ones they could recover. She reached her cerulean fingers up to pluck a particular bubble out of the bunch. One with a silvery hue that contained the white streaked blue shards of a friend of hers.

It was Dove's bubble. The bubble that held Sky's shards.

It'd been months since the incident that shattered Sky and still they'd heard no solid word from their informants on Dove. All that they knew for certain was that she'd been taken off world, beyond their reach. Many feared that Dove would give them up. Some had even made the choice to leave their position within Homeworld's ranks and join the Rebellion proper for safety. But most knew better. Legs certainly knew better. Dove would be shattered before she gave anything of the Rebellion to the Diamonds. Dove likely had been shattered...

Legs sighed heavily as she sat and dipped her toned calves into the cool water of the small pool in the center of the sanctuary. She held Dove's bubble out before her and stared into it. She wasn't sure why she still came here. She'd cried out every tear she had within her weeks ago. Maybe it gave her some sense of connection to her fallen friends. Who knew. But she was here and once again she found herself playing the encounter with the carnelians over in her mind. Once again she found herself asking if she could have done more.

She'd been assured by her superiors, by Rose Quartz and the Renegade herself, that she'd made the right choice. That Dove had made the right choice. The information Legs had returned with meant that Sky and Dove hadn't been shattered in vain. And yet still she wondered what would have happened if she'd remained. Their informants had managed to glean one bit of information about Dove. A report cast aside as faulty information by the Homeworld higher-ups. Legs had been there when it was delivered to the Renegade. She still got chills at the memory of the savage yet proud smile that had spread across Pearl's face as she read it.

Dove had gone down fighting evidently. According to the report three carnelians had fallen at the hands of a lone pearl. One shattered, two poofed out of a squad of six before they'd finally put her down. She'd certainly shown them what pearls were made of. Legs was proud of Dove after reading the report but she also couldn't help but ask what if. If she had stayed behind would they have been able to defeat the remaining three together? She knew the answer was no. She was a courier, not a warrior. If anything she would have gotten in Dove's way and wasted the sacrifice she and Sky had made. No, she'd made peace with that. She'd done the right thing.

She took a deep breath as she stood up from the pool, relishing the dizzying scents that filled this melancholy grove. She had a mission to attend to soon and she still needed to pick up supplies. She stretched out her long arms and returned Sky's bubble to its place among the others. “Catch you guys later,” she whispered with a smile as the silvery orb floated back into place. Then she was gone, a gust of wind and a cerulean blur streaking into the distance the only evidence of her departure.

The Rebellion carried on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep sigh*
> 
> Finally made it. I'm sorry this work took so long to finish but the truth is I kept shelving it to work on other fics/projects. Honestly I don't think this is a very good fic. I've been struggling to consistently work on it since it began. It's overly dramatic, forces emotion and the original characters could probably use some more work. But I honestly can't work on it anymore, it needed to be finished. I needed it finished so I could work on other things without it nagging at the back of my mind.
> 
> But enough whining and self pity! This fic was certainly a learning experience if nothing else and that is invaluable to any writer. Plus I'm quite fond of Dove, even with all the other issues I have. Although you probably can't tell from what I did to the poor, brave little gem in this piece. Maybe I'll be kinder to my next set of OCs...
> 
> Anywho thanks to everyone who has followed this work from the start. Or anyone who picks this up and makes it through now that it's complete. Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> *trundles off to work on something that isn't so soul crushingly dark*


End file.
